June is Men’s Mental Health Month; WTW’s Pretty K sat down with Jontae Adams, a former gang member, to reflect on that. The heart-wrenching experience of losing loved ones to gang violence is a reality that affects individuals and communities deeply. There have been 249 slain people this year. Earlier this week, the U.S. Surgeon General declared a public health crisis due to the staggering number of gun violence deaths in 2022, which totaled over 48,000. This announcement highlighted the severity of the situation, emphasizing the urgency for action. The Surgeon General’s statement underscored the tragic impact of gun violence, making it clear that immediate and comprehensive measures are necessary to address this crisis. Adams is a stark example of that.
The young father lost his 7-year-old daughter, Jaslyn “Pinky” Adams, to gun violence in April of 2021 at a McDonald’s drive-thru near Roosevelt and Kedzie in Chicago. This traumatic event unfolded right before his eyes. After picking “Pinky” up from her aunt’s home, he set out to fulfill her innocent request for McDonald’s. As children, we all remember the excitement of a special treat. This shared experience of childhood innocence makes Adams’s story even more relatable. In his journey to break free from the gang culture, they were not ready to let him go so quickly.
In this interview, he discussed how this has affected him mentally and discussed potential solutions for those in similar situations.
WTW: How are you feeling today, Jontae? We understand that this is a difficult time for you.
Jontae: I am doing fine now; I am just working and staying busy.
WTW: What do you need the most today? Please remember that your well-being is our priority, and we are here to support you.
Jontae: At the moment, all I need is a prayer from my peers to help me get through the days and nights; I know people may see me laughing and joking on interviews and social media, but deep down, I’m hurt in a way most couldn’t imagine.
WTW: Would you like to talk about your experience with grief, or should I start the conversation?
Jontae: The funny thing is before the death of my daughter and a little bit after. I didn’t know how to grieve. Even though there is no right or wrong way, everyone grieves differently. I was so drugged up and constantly drinking after my daughter passed, trying to run from reality. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t stopped crying since my daughter passed, and I’ve learned that it’s ok to cry. Crying is a part of healing.
WTW: Could you tell us about the bond you shared with your daughter before she passed away?
JonTae: She was my world, and still is my world; if you are familiar with the TV show One on One With Kyla Pratt and her dad, that’s me and her. She controlled me and kept me on my square. She made me step up and be a Father.
WTW: How many years has it been since you experienced the death of your daughter?
JonTae: April 18, 2024, made 3 yrs.
WTW: We understand that the day you lost Jaslyn was a difficult one. Would you like to share what happened?
JonTae: We were supposed to be going to my mom’s house. That day, she wanted me to stop and get her siblings some food from McDonald’s. As we drove into the parking lot, right as it was my turn to order, a car pulled in and opened fire. Hitting my car over 45 times. My daughter was struck several times, and I was struck once.
WTW: How have people regarded (looked at) you since your loss?
JonTae: In the beginning, many people hated me, but I believe it was because of how the internet made me look—some of the things I was doing, I’m not too proud of myself. The more time passed, the more I told my story and truth, people started to understand me more.
WTW: Many gang members would have avenged their child’s death themselves. How did you make the brave decision to cooperate with the police to bring her killers to justice?
Jontae: My son just graduated from 8th grade and has been on the honor roll since 1st grade. He passed the selective enrollment test and got accepted to almost every good high school in Chicago. He is going to King or Whitney Young, which is why I believe in the justice system. I don’t want to miss out on his childhood, and also, I wouldn’t want the streets to manipulate him.
WTW: How would you describe your mental health during the 1st year of losing your child?
Jontae: If we were to rate it on a scale of 1-10, it would be a 1. I was indifferent to whether I lived or died!
WTW: Did you attend therapy, and are you currently attending?
Jontae: Yes, I have a counselor, and I talk to them at least twice a month.
WTW: What coping skills have you used in past crises, such as friends lost to gun violence?
Jontae: Drugs and violence. It was always the answer for street guys. There aren’t any mental health programs or therapy programs in our communities. Guys can vent without being looked at as soft or emotional.
WTW: What coping skills do you use to help you get through day-to-day?
Jontae: My number one coping skill today is prayer and believing in god. Talking to and working with other children has become more therapeutic than anything I’ve ever accomplished.
WTW: What do you need right now?
JonTae: I need more connections with people who want to make a change. People who have visions.
WTW: What would you say to a person who may be afraid to attend therapy due to vulnerability or adverse reactions from friends or other gang affiliates?
JonTae: It’s ok, and it’s better to talk to someone who doesn’t know you personally (sometimes). At least their advice won’t be biased. Your friend’s advice will be based on their emotional connection with you. Which can be wrong or right depending upon the situation.
WTW: Can you share how your life has changed since the tragic loss of Jaslyn?
Jontae: I’m more understanding; I’m utilizing every talent and skill god has blessed me with to help the next person. I’ve learned that god is so real. I don’t run the streets anymore; I never worked a real job before my daughter’s passing. But I’ve been at this job for a year. So I’m slowly making changes for the better.
WTW: Are there any closing statements you have?
Jontae: Thank you for the opportunity to tell my story and share your platform with me. I wish you nothing but prosperity. God bless you. ✨
If you or someone you care about has experienced the impact of violence, there are compassionate organizations ready to provide support. Reach out to any of them to access trauma-informed care and the support you need. Click here for resources in Chicago✨
WAYS FOR YOU TO HELP SOMEONE IMPROVE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH DUE TO GUN VIOLENCE
1: Let them embrace their vulnerability. It’s ok for them to feel their emotions.
2: Offer a safe space for them to express their emotions freely.
3: Show empathy
4: Further educate yourself on the issue.
5: Check in on your loved ones.
6: Identify things they can enjoy and support them in accomplishing them.
NEW YORK BY : SCOTT LOBAIDO
